I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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