Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
