Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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