i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
