I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
