I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
