Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
