She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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