She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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