take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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