I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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