woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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