let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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