I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
