Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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