the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
