Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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