If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
