Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
