I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
