I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
