I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
