she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
