Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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