i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
