that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
