I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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