My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
