I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
