The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
