i don't like sucking hair
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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