I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
