i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
