Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
