you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
