Banned from zoo.
Again?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
