8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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