The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
