I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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