Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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