did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
