my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
