I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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