ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
