I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
