sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice