Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet