Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.

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(817): If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral. http://tfl.nu/qqbj

Replies (13) Good night (3198) Bad night (676)
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(907): View more from Alaska

Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.

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(907): Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea. http://tfl.nu/ohgs

Replies (22) Good night (4435) Bad night (774)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.

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(303): I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete. http://tfl.nu/q4l5

Replies (19) Good night (4741) Bad night (1227)
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(561): View more from Florida

Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?

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(561): Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest? http://tfl.nu/07hk

Replies (29) Good night (1167) Bad night (5830)
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(512): View more from Texas

Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.

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(512): Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food. http://tfl.nu/f716

Replies (19) Good night (1779) Bad night (4079)
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(903): View more from Texas

I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.

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(903): I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink. http://tfl.nu/zmqp

Replies (13) Good night (4725) Bad night (867)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.

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(202): i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not. http://tfl.nu/o6ew

Replies (3) Good night (1776) Bad night (664)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.

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(832): You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it. http://tfl.nu/3ywv

Replies (25) Good night (5656) Bad night (1446)
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(503): View more from Oregon

So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.

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(503): So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep. http://tfl.nu/t5yr

Replies (5) Good night (2036) Bad night (732)
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(289): View more from Ontario

The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.

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(289): The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am. http://tfl.nu/r9i0

Replies (7) Good night (1572) Bad night (871)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?

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(+44): let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions? http://tfl.nu/wlcv

Replies (6) Good night (1581) Bad night (741)
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(903): View more from Texas

I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.

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(903): I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper. http://tfl.nu/88zt

Replies (7) Good night (1551) Bad night (500)
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(815): View more from Illinois

Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.

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(815): Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down. http://tfl.nu/94ky

Replies (5) Good night (829) Bad night (373)
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(330): View more from Ohio

i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense

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(330): i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense http://tfl.nu/4n80

Replies (0) Good night (437) Bad night (525)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.

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(978): Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie. http://tfl.nu/o96k

Replies (0) Good night (433) Bad night (352)

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