Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless