i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude