is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize