dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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