hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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