your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
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Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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