when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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