Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
