why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
