he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
