So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
home. puking in laundry basket.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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