I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Someone signed my nipple.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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