Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I could fuck to npr.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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