I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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