Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
