i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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