friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
