I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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