the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just found puke in my bra..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
