I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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