Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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