Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
