Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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