I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
