I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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