maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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