the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
